Silence is not always golden: The pennu kaanal chadangu

In this era of facebooks and twitters, and ipads and I phones when the ritual of bride seeing is dying out in the entire world, there is still a small state in India, Gods own country where the ritual is carried out the same way my great grandparents did it a century ago.

Although the girl today is a lot different from my great grandmother, the ceremony still holds on. So my first prospective bride seeing was yesterday. Two months ago I received a photograph of a girl, a fair beautiful girl. So a date was fixed parents were first to see the girl if they like then I would go and meet her.

So after meeting the would be girl they being impressed by the relatives their relations family background , I was asked to meet her.

So the previous day all the relatives and friends call and tell me and ask me to take the right decision. (Yes talking to the girl for a whole 10minutes and telling yes this is the girl.) Funnily all the happy married men end the call by saying oh so this may be the end…..  heh heh End of what, till a few months ago I thought it was the beginning.

Anyways  so on the D day, morning parents “not having a hair cut?”, for what? already having short hair. Ok atleast have a shave. Ok that was fine. After the shave came wearing a jeans and T shirt. No according to the chadangu full sleeve shirt and formal trousers and formal shoes. Oh god so I change into that attire. (thank god they didn’t ask me to wear a mundu).

Not at all superstious parents think of keeping a driver so that unlucky 3 don’t have to go and meet the girl. But driver not coming we three leave home.

Phase 1:At the girls home we are greeted by a sea of people. Girls father mother, brothers, wifes, children, uncles and aunts. We enter drawing room and sit there. Nobody talks to me. Girls father, his bro talk to my father about local and state politics which I had no idea about, then they talk about weather, not being here had no idea about that too. So I wait, 15 min later girls father next to me asks me “so you are jos right”?

No I am not him I am a person in disguise who has come in his place to marry her(self thought)

Silence 30 seconds all around, all eyes on me expecting to say no

I reply “Yes I am jos”

Then everyone back to chit chat. Then comes the next bouncer from her dad, who is that lady with you?

Not understanding wat he meant I asked uncle what? No who is that lady sitting there

Naturally when we called and told I will be coming with my parents, the  woman ought to be my mother.

My father introduces, the lady is his mother and I am his father.

Some were ROFL, some LOL and me a CFOSL( complete fits of silent laughter)

So after the second flop question he left me all alone, no more questions

Phase 2: Soon we move into the dining room, wow a hi tea was arranged, tea served wait continued, after 5 min girls father “call her”

Girl comes and just when she was about to sit next to me, uncle says not there on the opposite side of the table. God then the confusion whether she should sit next to me or opposite me

Finally decided opposite me. I give a quick glance, she looks pretty, now the way she talks.

Then the rapid fire for the girl starts(no not me my dad).

Where, what, when, how and finally why did you study, the perplexed girl answered everything in least possible words and a lot other questions I intended to ask were asked. Oh oh now what do I ask.

The question my cousin sis hus asked: which perfume do u use? That was the only question I had left that my dad did not ask. But I thought the better of it and did not ask.

So finally after gulping down the tea and eatables, finally everyone gets up and asks me to sit there and talk to the girl.

Phase 3: I get up and as I move to the seat next to her I get a few glances and giggles from the ladies around.( The heights)

1^st question that has been asked for over generations in seeing a bride “what is your name?”

Knowing it already I skipped it. “So after PG what do you plan?” my first question.

Anything as you wish.

Ok so do you wanna settle here or abroad.

 Anywhere as you wish. Now it was getting awkward.

Hobbies

No nothing special

Friends group

No nothing like that

Anything you wanna know about me

No nothing like that

So after some more of anythings and nothings, I asked ok can we go and join others and finally I get a yes.

 Soon we were leaving. As I get into the car what do we tell them asks my father

Can I talk to her on phone for a week. No according to our culture blah blah…..

Ok a day. No

Few hours. No

Ok then it’s a NO (with a heavy heart) to this anything and nothing girl who was simple and elegant, but had constipation for words.

Silence is not always golden. Just may be silence was her hobby

Silence is the last thing the world will ever hear from me.

LIFE IS A TEST!!! WHY I GET BAD MARKS???

Giving exams at 30 with the same emotions as when I was at 13 or even worse.

 The best part of the PG here is the monthly tests and the reports being sent to parents. Luckily no progress report day and parents teachers meeting. Well I shouldn’t be giving ideas who knows….

Having normal parents who never freaked out inspite of being  tired signing the failure progress cards till 10^th grade is priceless.

In tenth even they changed, I like all my classmates thought I was born to get distinction in 10^th grade exams. And somehow made it after all the struggle, and feeling as if won the presidential election for US, only to know 2 years later that it the distinction in 12^th grade is all that mattered in a persons life, and not making it means the only two professions most Indians know engineer or doctor you cannot become.

Just after scoring more than 75% in 12^th you realize it was the entrance exams that you should have cleared.

After entering medical college it all changed exams and along with it failure had become a part of daily life. Writing exams had become like going out, eating food and before you know you had failed in one you had the opportunity to do it again.

So after giving the umpteen exams including more than 10 internals, 4 university finals and becoming a doctor and thinking yes its all over there it is the next entrances. AIIMS,PGI,CMC,COMEDK,ALL INDIA,KERALA,AMRITA,AFMC,UPSC, ST JOHNS, FATHER MULLERS are some of the entrances that I failed to clear over the 2 years.

Finally making it at manipal I knew 1 more exam at the end of the course and its done. 

Hope against hope it got worse. Every month a test, a test discussion, seminar, classes and the worse your marks send to parents at the age of 30. If you have spouse it will be send to them and you can have a laugh over it. Worse if you have children and they have email it will be send to them and then they will compete with you and probably score more marks than you.

After all this the fear of test is lost…….

There is a saying a college is a place where pebbles are polished and diamonds dimmed. That’s the problem of being diamond.

“The whole of life, from the moment you are born to the moment you die, is a process of learning”     Jiddu Krishnamurti

But why the examination???????