Silence is not always golden: The pennu kaanal chadangu

In this era of facebooks and twitters, and ipads and I phones when the ritual of bride seeing is dying out in the entire world, there is still a small state in India, Gods own country where the ritual is carried out the same way my great grandparents did it a century ago.

Although the girl today is a lot different from my great grandmother, the ceremony still holds on. So my first prospective bride seeing was yesterday. Two months ago I received a photograph of a girl, a fair beautiful girl. So a date was fixed parents were first to see the girl if they like then I would go and meet her.

So after meeting the would be girl they being impressed by the relatives their relations family background , I was asked to meet her.

So the previous day all the relatives and friends call and tell me and ask me to take the right decision. (Yes talking to the girl for a whole 10minutes and telling yes this is the girl.) Funnily all the happy married men end the call by saying oh so this may be the end…..  heh heh End of what, till a few months ago I thought it was the beginning.

Anyways  so on the D day, morning parents “not having a hair cut?”, for what? already having short hair. Ok atleast have a shave. Ok that was fine. After the shave came wearing a jeans and T shirt. No according to the chadangu full sleeve shirt and formal trousers and formal shoes. Oh god so I change into that attire. (thank god they didn’t ask me to wear a mundu).

Not at all superstious parents think of keeping a driver so that unlucky 3 don’t have to go and meet the girl. But driver not coming we three leave home.

Phase 1:At the girls home we are greeted by a sea of people. Girls father mother, brothers, wifes, children, uncles and aunts. We enter drawing room and sit there. Nobody talks to me. Girls father, his bro talk to my father about local and state politics which I had no idea about, then they talk about weather, not being here had no idea about that too. So I wait, 15 min later girls father next to me asks me “so you are jos right”?

No I am not him I am a person in disguise who has come in his place to marry her(self thought)

Silence 30 seconds all around, all eyes on me expecting to say no

I reply “Yes I am jos”

Then everyone back to chit chat. Then comes the next bouncer from her dad, who is that lady with you?

Not understanding wat he meant I asked uncle what? No who is that lady sitting there

Naturally when we called and told I will be coming with my parents, the  woman ought to be my mother.

My father introduces, the lady is his mother and I am his father.

Some were ROFL, some LOL and me a CFOSL( complete fits of silent laughter)

So after the second flop question he left me all alone, no more questions

Phase 2: Soon we move into the dining room, wow a hi tea was arranged, tea served wait continued, after 5 min girls father “call her”

Girl comes and just when she was about to sit next to me, uncle says not there on the opposite side of the table. God then the confusion whether she should sit next to me or opposite me

Finally decided opposite me. I give a quick glance, she looks pretty, now the way she talks.

Then the rapid fire for the girl starts(no not me my dad).

Where, what, when, how and finally why did you study, the perplexed girl answered everything in least possible words and a lot other questions I intended to ask were asked. Oh oh now what do I ask.

The question my cousin sis hus asked: which perfume do u use? That was the only question I had left that my dad did not ask. But I thought the better of it and did not ask.

So finally after gulping down the tea and eatables, finally everyone gets up and asks me to sit there and talk to the girl.

Phase 3: I get up and as I move to the seat next to her I get a few glances and giggles from the ladies around.( The heights)

1^st question that has been asked for over generations in seeing a bride “what is your name?”

Knowing it already I skipped it. “So after PG what do you plan?” my first question.

Anything as you wish.

Ok so do you wanna settle here or abroad.

 Anywhere as you wish. Now it was getting awkward.

Hobbies

No nothing special

Friends group

No nothing like that

Anything you wanna know about me

No nothing like that

So after some more of anythings and nothings, I asked ok can we go and join others and finally I get a yes.

 Soon we were leaving. As I get into the car what do we tell them asks my father

Can I talk to her on phone for a week. No according to our culture blah blah…..

Ok a day. No

Few hours. No

Ok then it’s a NO (with a heavy heart) to this anything and nothing girl who was simple and elegant, but had constipation for words.

Silence is not always golden. Just may be silence was her hobby

Silence is the last thing the world will ever hear from me.