Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Chronic Last Bench Syndrome



They say nostalgia is the uptopia of the old. So may be 28 yrs younger I am already feeling nostalgic. I felt it the day reached home with packed bags after my internship. Well till today I haven’t got over it.    ” I” never existed in college. It was always “we”.
Today sitting in the first seat of a dermatology seminar trying very hard to understand whats being talked about, I was missing that last seat in college lecture hall,if at all I was there. There was something special about that seat. You feel pseudoprotected. That’s a part of the “chronic last bench syndrome” I would say. Most common clinical manifestations would be hypersomnolence, I knew a guy who would sleep before the classes started and wake up just in time for attendance(heh heh that’s not me).
 There are every kind of person in the last benches the artists, Proxy specialists, comedians(or rather jokers),airplane(paper of course) manufaturers, cupids, beauticians, daydreamers,  voracious readers unlike the first benchers anything other than text books(a novel or prob a magazine),and of course the dozers.
   And the best is when you have a group with your best friends which includes a crush, a friend u thot u cud not live without, a funny jackass who would mostly be the dumbest who wud draw the attention of all teachers to your gang, a smartass who never studies like you but can get you out of the small troubles (mostly in the form of questions) by quick prompting. Yes I had a seat in one of these places and 5 years it felt great. I would have slept more in my class rooms because after classes we were a busy lot. And nights were party time.
 And the occasional get outs for getting caught with a novel, for a proxy out of the 5 you called, sleeping(no never for sleeping but not for waking up even when your name is called). But getting out was easy, occasionally as a punishment you would be asked to go to the first bench(a whole new world) where you would need to place bamboo sticks in u r eyes to keep it open, where they would look down on you if you didn’t answer questions and where only intellectual talks takes place.
 But the first bench students r intelligent until last bench students dont participate in the competition. But unfortunately they never do participate. They are the kind of people with no ego, no competition, humble and simple people.  Hear there is an association for us Last Bench association(LBA), I was not a member then and I cant be now(not in last bench anymore)
And mind you we are not last in everything we are the first to initiate a fight or debate,to comment on the person teaching methods, we are the 1 st in movie  queues, and even the first to get out of a class. So we are not total useless.
Heh heh now that’s tooo much
Someday when I teach I would like to know how it feels to do so from the last bench.
“The Greatest Minds of a Nation May be Found on the Last Benches of the Classroom.” - APJ Abdul Kalam

Thursday, December 15, 2011

"Silence is not my mother tounge"


 Yeh its funny when the language you speak the most at your work place is not your mother tounge. Well 6 months into this kannada speaking land, I believe I can get the patients to understand what I speak (my belief) with some sign language, some Malayalam in between.
It took kannada pandits(kannada master) weeks of coaching to actually start speaking this forgein language. For 6 months I have been asking the patients to go and purchase dabba mulam(which in most parts of Karnataka means ointment in a can), but some parts of Karnataka dabba means useless. And actually a patient asked me if its useless why give it? After some translation found the better word was dabbi….
But these mistakes just don’t happen to a person who is just a few months old in Karnataka. It happens to people who have been here for years. The problem is mostly the grammar. Just the other day a patient asked one of the docs in kannada “can I take bath?” and the doc not a kannadiga replied in kannda and it came out as “come lets take bath”.
Well in India if you are in a state different from yours and don’t know their language you can survive with a little hindi. But unfortunately I am too bad in that language too. I was always proud that despite being a south indian I could follow hindi well until this day when my watchman came and told me that mera beta ghuzar gaya(my son paased away)… thinking that he had won something in a very jovial manner I told very nice just to see his eyes welling up and realised I had got it wrong. So I asked him again to know wat had happened. I will never forgive that look on his face and will never forgive myself.
Then of course if you are a good actor, your sign languages and expressions are going to help the patient understand wat u meant. And of course the kanndigas are good people. They know that this language is not my mother tounge and they try their best to make u understand their problems. Yes but the occasional giggles you do get…
No wonder its said that “humans dream in thier mother tounge”… 

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Not a doc anymore

Well I am not a doctor anymore. Heh heh, yes I am a Dermatologist. Yes this is a real fantasy world, doctors here are pleasant, relaxed. Patients are happy. No emergencies. Life has taken a turn for the good?
Well I am in an institute where this dept is considered one of the best in the country. They eat and sleep dermat….walkin with the giants and work with the legends in dermatology…. Its a shear luck!!!!
A popular joke in dermatology is that if its dry add moisture and if its moist keep it dry. Congrats you are a dermatologist.
Contrary to the popular belief dermatology is not that easy. Yeh all we have are just the antifungals, antibacterials, steroids, antihistamines and emollients and most of the time you give one it doesn’t work the other surely will. But diagnosis in dermatology is an art. There are hundreds of DD’s that look the same. It is either the papule, macule or plaque that is mostly present everywhere.
To you what looks like psoriasis might actually be psoriasiform dermatitis.
But neither u need an eagles eye, ladies finger or lions heart to treat a patient. Infact for that matter you don’t even need a stethoscope to treat your patient.
Well in short if you are a person who sees better things in life, and believe that we live it only once, but destiny has made you a doctor, then go for dermatology.
Because a life u dont live is still lost.