In this era of facebooks and twitters, and ipads and I
phones when the ritual of bride seeing is dying out in the entire world, there
is still a small state in India, Gods own country where the ritual is carried
out the same way my great grandparents did it a century ago.
Although the girl today is a lot different from my great
grandmother, the ceremony still holds on. So my first prospective bride seeing
was yesterday. Two months ago I received a photograph of a girl, a fair
beautiful girl. So a date was fixed parents were first to see the girl if they
like then I would go and meet her.
So after meeting the would be girl they being impressed by
the relatives their relations family background , I was asked to meet her.
So the previous day all the relatives and friends call and
tell me and ask me to take the right decision. (Yes talking to the girl for a
whole 10minutes and telling yes this is the girl.) Funnily all the happy
married men end the call by saying oh so this may be the end….. heh heh End of what, till a few months ago I
thought it was the beginning.
Anyways so on the D
day, morning parents “not having a hair cut?”, for what? already having short
hair. Ok atleast have a shave. Ok that was fine. After the shave came wearing a
jeans and T shirt. No according to the chadangu full sleeve shirt and formal
trousers and formal shoes. Oh god so I change into that attire. (thank god they
didn’t ask me to wear a mundu).
Not at all superstious parents think of keeping a driver so
that unlucky 3 don’t have to go and meet the girl. But driver not coming we
three leave home.
Phase 1:At the girls home we are greeted by a sea of people.
Girls father mother, brothers, wifes, children, uncles and aunts. We enter
drawing room and sit there. Nobody talks to me. Girls father, his bro talk to
my father about local and state politics which I had no idea about, then they
talk about weather, not being here had no idea about that too. So I wait, 15
min later girls father next to me asks me “so you are jos right”?
No I am not him I am a person in disguise who has come in
his place to marry her(self thought)
Silence 30 seconds all around, all eyes on me expecting to
say no
I reply “Yes I am jos”
Then everyone back to chit chat. Then comes the next bouncer
from her dad, who is that lady with you?
Not understanding wat he meant I asked uncle what? No who is
that lady sitting there
Naturally when we called and told I will be coming with my
parents, the woman ought to be my
mother.
My father introduces, the lady is his mother and I am his
father.
Some were ROFL, some LOL and me a CFOSL( complete fits of
silent laughter)
So after the second flop question he left me all alone, no
more questions
Phase 2: Soon we move into the dining room, wow a hi tea was
arranged, tea served wait continued, after 5 min girls father “call her”
Girl comes and just when she was about to sit next to me,
uncle says not there on the opposite side of the table. God then the confusion
whether she should sit next to me or opposite me
Finally decided opposite me. I give a quick glance, she
looks pretty, now the way she talks.
Then the rapid fire for the girl starts(no not me my dad).
Where, what, when, how and finally why did you study, the
perplexed girl answered everything in least possible words and a lot other
questions I intended to ask were asked. Oh oh now what do I ask.
The question my cousin sis hus asked: which perfume do u
use? That was the only question I had left that my dad did not ask. But I
thought the better of it and did not ask.
So finally after gulping down the tea and eatables, finally
everyone gets up and asks me to sit there and talk to the girl.
Phase 3: I get up and as I move to the seat next to her I
get a few glances and giggles from the ladies around.( The heights)
1st question that has been asked for over
generations in seeing a bride “what is your name?”
Knowing it already I skipped it. “So after PG what do you
plan?” my first question.
Anything as you wish.
Ok so do you wanna settle here or abroad.
Anywhere as you wish.
Now it was getting awkward.
Hobbies
No nothing special
Friends group
No nothing like that
Anything you wanna know about me
No nothing like that
So after some more of anythings and nothings, I asked ok can
we go and join others and finally I get a yes.
Soon we were leaving.
As I get into the car what do we tell them asks my father
Can I talk to her on phone for a week. No according to our
culture blah blah…..
Ok a day. No
Few hours. No
Ok then it’s a NO (with a heavy heart) to this anything and
nothing girl who was simple and elegant, but had constipation for words.
Silence is not always golden. Just may be silence was her
hobby
Silence is the last thing the world will ever hear from me.